I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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