This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
