wakey wakey hands off snakey
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
