I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
