Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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