I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
