i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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