Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
