I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
