I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so let's talk penis.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize