i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
