You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Mom said you looked used
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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