Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
