If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize