if only i could text you this smell
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
