He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
look no pants
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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