I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
