Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
