she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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