There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
