I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
