Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
