My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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