What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just saw a hot homeless man
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
