why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
