Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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