Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
soo... how was my night?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
