just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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