It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
