I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
