What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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