I got chris browned last night
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Bring me that man meat
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
