I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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