you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
