so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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