im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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