FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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