There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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