i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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