I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
