he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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