she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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