6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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