My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
