She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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