I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
