dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
