Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize