He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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