I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
