So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
