you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
