Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
