i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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