Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
