so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
