Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
