Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
