I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
