you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
