If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
