I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
