woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
