i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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