Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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