One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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