spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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