I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
