i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
