then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
